


Apologies

by suallenparker



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Love Confession, Post 2x19, apology, apology cake, happy end, post episode add on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-20
Updated: 2015-07-20
Packaged: 2018-04-10 08:29:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4384604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil seeks out Melinda to apologize at length. - Set after the events of 2x19</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to ddagent, westcoastmalone, christie226, carolineaquino73, wah-pah and melindathecavalrymay for being the best cheerleaders a struggling writer could ever ask for! I feel very rusty but I’m so pleased I could finally complete this one shot. I hope you enjoy it, friends! :)

Fighting Loki had been less stressful. But he would tell her the truth. It was the least she deserved from him. He just wished his heart would stop racing. His palms sweated, making it harder to hold on to that special gift he brought.

When she opened the door, he lifted up the plate he carried.

“For you,” he said.

She stared at him, crossing her arms.

He swallowed hard. “It's a cake.”

“And you wrote ' _Sorry_ ' on it.”

“Figured it means more when it's written in chocolate.” He tried his most charming grin. She loved chocolate. And cheesecake. Which was exactly the reason he baked a cheesecake.

She showed no reaction.

“I tried to write ' _Please forgive me for going to your husband behind your back_ ',” he added, “but my decorating skills aren't that evolved yet.”

Her features softened and she took the cake from his hands. No smile yet, not even a hint of one, but she wasn't glaring any longer. He decided to take that as a good start.

“Can I come in?” he asked.

She stepped back out of the door and put the cake on the nearby cupboard next to her sunglasses. He followed her and closed the door behind them.

“I'm really sorry, May.” He sighed. “I should've told you that I was seeing Andrew.”

“Why didn't you?”

“I don't know.”

“That means you don't want to say.”

He nibbled on his lip.

“I learned a few things from the psychiatrist I was married to,” she said and glared. “The one you consulted without telling me.”

“It's complicated.” Especially since he was almost sure that she still loved her ex.

She crossed her arms again. “I have a whole cake to eat while you explain.”

“What if you don't like my explanation?”

“Then I guess I'll stay mad at you.”

“You figure I've got nothing to lose.”

“I'm really gonna hate that explanation, won't I?”

There was a high chance their friendship would be over if he wouldn't keep his mouth shut.

“Does it have anything to do with the theta protocol?” she asked.

Phil shook his head. “I talked to him about my carving and the alien blood stuff. I didn't lie about that.”

“If you were just getting help, why not tell me?”

“Because …!” Because he loved her. He couldn't tell her that. But how else should he explain? He took a deep breath. “Because when I asked you to pilot the bus I thought -”

She squinted at him.

“I swear this is the shortened version and I told you it's complicated.”

She gave a short nod.

“I asked you on the bus because I thought it would be …” _good for her_. So silly! He truly had believed he could save her. Such a fool. He bit his lip. “After Bahrain you were so …” Hurt. Lost. He had hated seeing her suffer and being unable to do anything for her. “I thought coming on the bus would change things for you.”

“It did.”

“They got worse.”

She tilted her head and just looked at him. Waiting.

“You came on the bus to protect me and had to keep that from me because I could go insane should I find out about TAHITI. I found out about TAHITI, we had this huge fight, I was a total ass, you left me and came back and SHIELD fell, Fury faked his death, Ward almost killed Fitzsimmons and I …” _love you._ “You're …” _everything_. He shrugged. “I care about you more than …”

“Than what?”

Than his life. Almost more than the world. He had wanted to just go with her to Australia, he had wanted to leave everything but her behind. But he had responsibilities. And she was too precious. He sighed again. “I didn't plan for any of this to happen like it did. I didn't mean to become another burden to you.” He looked down. Because this was what it all boiled down to. What it always had boiled down to. He needed her. And she had to suffer because of it. “I hated having to ask you to shoot me. I hated being the reason you suffered.”

“And you told Andrew that?”

“No.”

“No?”

“I didn't talk much about you. Didn't feel right.”

“Still doesn't explain why you didn't tell me about seeing Andrew.”

“I tried to give you space and make things easier for you.“

“You tried to protect me.”

“Wasn't successful, but … Yes.”

She looked at him and he wasn't quite sure how to read her. She didn't seem mad. Tired, maybe.

He was tired too. So, so very tired. He cleared his throat. “There're still things I don't have authority to tell you. There're ugly secrets and …“ He chuckled dryly. “the future looks bleak to put it nicely. I hate lying to you. I hate hurting you even more. I avoid it as best as I can.”

“Then don't shut me out.”

He had no idea how to do that without spilling everything.

She lifted her hands. “I don't need to know about theta protocol or SHIELD secrets. I just … I …” She sighed. “I need to be your friend.”

Oh, God, he loved her! “Why are you doing all this? For me?”

“You mean a lot to me.”

It stung. Hope was a dangerous thing to have. He wished he would love her differently. They were such great friends. She was his best friend. He wished he had more to offer her than this mess that was his life. “You said that before.”

“It's true.”

“Could you elaborate on that? A little bit?” Damn hope, but he couldn't help it. “Because sometimes I think that we could be …” everything. He would marry her in a heartbeat. Such a fool! He shook his head. “You're a very caring person. You're a great friend. And that's it.” He needed to remember that. “I'm so sorry I hurt you. You deserve better.” And he needed to get away from her before he made an even bigger fool of himself. He forced a smile. “Enjoy your cake.”

She touched his arm. “Phil!”

“I'm really sorry for hurting you.” He swallowed. “I'm gonna handle things better from now on, promise.”

She frowned. “Are you having symptoms again?”

What? “No!”

“But something's wrong,” she said matter-of-factly. Damn her for knowing him so well. She touched his arm again and he wanted to melt into her. “Just tell me,” she said. She looked at him with so much compassion, it broke him.

“I love you.” The words were out before he could stop them.

She tensed.

Crap. Crap! He pulled his shoulders up. “You were suffering because of me and I couldn't handle that so I pulled back and shut you out.”

She took his hand in his. What was happening? Was this pity? Whatever it was, her touch helped him breathe easier.

“I couldn't talk to Andrew about you because he's your ex and I'm pretty sure he's still in love with you too and telling him that I'm in love with you just wasn't …” He stopped his ramblings way too late for his own taste. “I warned you you wouldn't like my explanation,” he ended lamely.

She squeezed his hand and his heart skipped a beat. She had beautiful lips and thus far she hadn't pushed him away. This felt like a dream. Sometimes in his dreams he got to kiss her. Sometimes in his dreams she loved him back.

“So how much is 'a lot' by your definition?” he asked. His voice was raspy. “I just want to know if I have a chance to -”

She tiptoed and pressed her lips against his ever so softly. She squeezed his hand again whilst she cradled his face with her left. She kissed him. Melinda May was kissing him!

With a moan, he wrapped his left arm around her waist. He loved how she sunk against him. He loved her taste. She tilted her head just the right way so they could deepen the kiss.

Eventually she broke their kiss and caressed his face. He couldn't help but smile. Whatever would happen next, that kiss had been worth it, even if it was a kiss goodbye.

Then she smiled too. “I love you,” she said and kissed him quickly. “That's what it means. I love you, too.” She kissed him again.

She loved him! He pulled her closer against him while he tasted her sweet mouth. Melinda May loved him!

For now all his stress subsided and he kissed her back.

 


End file.
